An Incredible $50 Lesson

An Incredible $50 Lesson.

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed. "Wow...what a worthy goal." I told her, "But wait, you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy just come over and do the work,and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

O-H-I-O

So I’m in Ohio all week for a business trip. Columbus then Springfield. This is my first trip to Drew Carey’s motherland. Surprised? I just never had a reason to visit before working with big time JP Morgan Chase Manhattan Gangster bank. All my family and friends reside below the Mason Dixon line. And Drew Carey looks kinda like an overweight special needs kid. Not a fan.

But I must admit that so far, I’m impressed with the Buckeye state. Although it’s a lot flatter than I expected, at least it’s not freezing cold and snowing. I was expecting snow. I brought gloves, scarves, and a big heavy coat to be sure. I mean, I REALLY hate the cold with a vengeance. But today it was a nice 60 degrees. Just like when I left Atlanta. Lovely.

We ate dinner tonight with our Client’s at Smith & Wollensky. Good steaks, but terrible service. I was forced to spend 3 and ½ hours listening to the same awful DUI stories of this ex-Marine. I swear he makes Georgia Rednecks look good. Tonight, he shared with the table stories about his badass 5 year old son who is asking for a dirt bike for Christmas. He & the wifey disagree about whether such a purchase is appropriate for a 5 year old; he thinks it is (despite the kid’s previous broken bones incurred via an unfortunate ATV accident.) All because he sees little Junior as a future Motocross champ.
Wow. Dream Big.

Seriously, I would cut my wrists if I was his wife. A dirtbike for a 5 year old? When I was 5 years old, I was kicking & screaming for a hot pink Barbie power wheels convertible. I mean, it had a freakin’ car phone and everything!
And it was pink.

Moving on; So far, I’ve seen lots and lots of good looking guys around town. Well, at least the ones between the Columbus airport and the Hilton Hotel. I can’t wait to visit Chase banks Headquarters’ tomorrow and see what all the fuss is about.

By the way, what exactly is a Buckeye?

Christmas in the Capitol

I just bought my plane tix for a trip to DC next month. I'm super excited. My girlfriends from the 08' Campaign have started their very own Conservative Consultant Firm and they're hosting a kick-off party December 17th. I can't wait to see all of my campaign buddies again and throw down!! I'm staying right through the weekend. I'm excited to see DC dressed up for Christmas. It is truly one of the most beautiful places this time of year.

SCAD

I went to a book signing for one of my favorite authors a few nights ago, thanks to a heads up by this chick. It was at the local art school. It was a good event, despite the numerous amount of skinny jeans and crust-staches endured.

Art students are lame. Just because you have a nose piercing and dyed your hair blue or some other equally disturbing color, doesn't make you an artist. I'm sure your sketches of Pokemon characters are really cool and all...but seriously, why do you feel the need to make your own clothes? They are ugly. I'm sorry to be the one to say it. One girl actually ripped apart a pair of wind suit pants and sewed them into a long, ugly skirt. Poor Soul.

I shared a cramped elevator ride to the auditorium with a bunch of these hipster-type students. One couple, though I couldn't tell you which one was the girl or guy, actually passed a cup of Lo-Mien noodles back and forth over my head. It was disgusting. I gave the most feminine one out of the couple a pretty big "eat shit and die" look. But this only encouraged her to slurp her noodles louder. Gross.

And I swear to God, every single person smelled like a damn ashtray. I guess smoking is a common bond shared by all of these helpless freaks of society.

I got to thinking that if any of these students went to my college, they would most likely have been beaten up. And would have deserved it.

Awesome-ness

This new treat is in the snack machine at work and it Rocks. My. Face. Off. Thanks a lot, Mr. Snack-Machine Man.
My ass really appreciates the new .55 cent cheesy treat.

Sad :o(

I feel bad today.
We just had a staff meeting where my boss told everyone that two Account Executives were laid off.
It was Cindy & Sandy and I really liked them.
They worked out in the Orange County, California offices and they looked like typical beach babes.
But I really liked them.
They were both about my mom’s age with Bright Blond hair, chipper personalities, sweet as pie.

I guess I’m just feeling down because they have families and mortgages and stuff. Now they are jobless. I’m only 25 and still have my job.
Granted, I don’t have the same client responsibilities as they did; but it all just seems so unfair.
I’m still trying to figure out what it is I do in this position, exactly.
I’m a slacker sometimes, and I don’t have the bills they do.
I guess I’m cheap labor comparatively.

Make sure when you say you prayers tonight, thank God for your job; if you have one. Sometimes, our undeserved luck shouldn't be taken for granted…..

A day late...

If only I had come across this in 2003, while I was a young, thirsty college kid. Think of all the damage-control I could have provided my body.

LiverRite-LiverAide
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